In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit. But now that Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, is looking for small home to retire in, in the southern district of Rivendell. Will he be able to find a small cottage with some elvish charm within his budget? Find out on Middle Earth House Hunters.
His husband, Thorin, is not too keen on the area.
“All I ask is that we look at some mountains, too.”
“The Misties are just over—”
“SILENCE, REALTOR! You look more like a talk show host than a realtor.”
“Thorin, really. It’s closer to Erebor than we were before.”
“Talk show host????”
“I AM SPEAKING TO MY HUSBAND! Bilbo, my sapphire, can we not reconsider? Even Rohan is nicer—”
“I’m not spending my final days stepping in horse shit, Thorin! The cows in the Shire are bad enough.”
“Really, Mr. Oakenshield, that was a low blow—”
“THAT IS ‘YOUR HIGHNESS’! Look, we lived in the Shire so I could heal and see a good therapist. What happened to all those times we discussed spending our sunset years in Erebor?”
“That was before I developed arthritis, dear.”
“It’s not so cold in the mountain—”
“Really, Your Highness, can’t you just consider—”
*DRAWS ORCRIST*
*HOST FLEES*
“THORIN! NO! Bad king!”
“I was only going to nick the one….”
Published
Death By Catchphrase 