hey yall!!!! on November 24th, T.A. 2941, Bilbo woke up after the Battle of the Five Armies, only to find out Thorin was dying. Thorin’s last words were “If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” Afterwards, Bilbo “wept until his eyes were red and his voice was hoarse… [and] it was long before he had the heart to make a joke again.”
happy dead Thorin day!
This is good to remember on Black Friday! Don’t kill your friends for gold you’ll just be sad! Eat your leftovers instead!
au where the Battle of the Five Armies is actually a Black Friday sale where Thorin & co are actually battling Bard and Thranduil to get the best deals— until the orcs show up and they band together to defeat the ultimate cheapskates. Thorin dies because he gets trampled by a crowd, while Fili and Kili also die because they were defending tThorin.
the quest is actually a pilgrimage to Walmart, where they camp out five days beforehand. They enlisted Bilbo because he’s extremely good with coupons. However, Bilbo betrays them because he thinks Thorin’s obsession with Black Friday has gone to his head, and gives some of his coupons to Bard and Thranduil.
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Death By Catchphrase 