Okay, so the fandom somehow collectively decided that elves aren’t turned on by big tits and whatnot, but by dat hair tho.
And I’ve been thinking about WHY this could be. WHY would hair be erotic to an elf?
The reason humans are turned on by ass ‘n tits is because they’re indicators of fertility and virility, at their core.
For elves, fertility and virility depend almost entirely on their strength of fea, or soul. The fea is also responsible for making the body work. All that’s canon. So, what I’m thinking here, is a quality fea means quality sex and kids, right? A quality fea also means…that hair grows. When a human is malnourished and all, their hair goes to shit. The opposite is also true. Being hella healthy = nice, growing, silky hair. So, for elves, healthy fea = nice growing hair.
So, the faster an elf’s hair grows and the more silky it is, the better their fea is. And, thus, long hair. So, that could explain why elves find hair so erotic apparently. See a man walkin round with six feet of hair and go “daaaaaaaaamn he must be great in marriage.”
You know those “masculinity enhancement” pills at gas stations? The elvish equivalent of that would be special oils marketed to make your hair grow faster.
Additional point- having bad hair is a huge disgrace. You know how Gwindor came back from Angband, totally fucked up and disheveled, hair a mess? And Findulais was immediately like oh fuck no he’s not hot anymore? Mmm. Additionally, explains why Saeros just got so pissed off about Turin not keeping his hair nice.
Additional point- having short hair for an elf is basically giving a big “fuck you” to the dating world. Cutting one’s hair short makes one incredibly unattractive to elves. Got a maia who won’t leave you the fuck alone? Cut your hair off, they’ll hate it. Got a bro who keeps reeling in all the girls and you’re jealous? Cut his hair off.
While I duly appreciate the spec-bio here what I am really taking away from this post is that Finwë was basically named ‘Tits McGee’ and all his descendants had porn-star names.
Ok I don’t even go here but doesn’t this add new layers to the parts where
Fëanor asked for strands of Galadriel’s hair and then she gave three hairs to Gimli
o shit i ddint consider that
Plausible in-universe explanation for sexy elf hair
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