birdbian:

fictional man: so you see.. the reason why I’m so gritty and stubbly and arrogant.. my secret backstory..

me: ur wife died and you blame yourself

fictional man: the stunning plot twist that reveals – perhaps excuses? – my unlikable nature…

me: dead wife, we get it

fictional man: the DARK secret truth, the shocking reveal of why I’m so smirky and sad and leer at women all the time, yet possibly am not entirely evil???

me: dead wife!!! the woman is dead!! it’s understood!!

fictional man: the TRUTH is.. that my dearest sweetest gentlest wife…. who always made me food and cleaned my clothes so good and didn’t mind that I’m an insufferable manbaby is……….. Dead. and I…. blame myself. (because I think a wife is just an extension of her husband so her dying means I’m a bad man husband and reflects poorly on my masculinity and means I’ve Failed, as a Man)

me: oh gross

fictional man: thank you for understanding why I am grittydark and for forgiving me fully for my unpleasant nature and lovable misogyny that I use to cope because of my Tragic Dead Woman Wife.. it really was such a terrible thing to happen to me, and now I can only cope by hiting on all women because they are all extensions of my wife to me because I don’t think women are people. thank you, men and their potential dead wives. look at my Emmy