i-dont-have-a-theme:

regurgitation-imminent:

myprettynightmare:

Anyone else terrified that they are toxic and manipulative and just can’t see it? Or is that just me?

A lot of people who’ve been abused think this. It’s very common for abusers to try to convince their victims that they, in some small part, deserve the abuse.

And a common way of doing that is to frame the defensive tactics of the victim as bad, manipulative things.

This includes people who are too worried of coming across as controlling or manipulative to express their needs. It took me a long time to be able to tell my boyfriend that his music was causing me physical pain because my abusers targeted my disability as justification for their behavior (saying I’m “too needy” and “need to accept that [they] have done so much for [me], the things [they] do are just part of life.”)

This includes people who are too scared to admit when they are hungry, thirsty, tired, stressed, or otherwise running on fumes, because their abusers may have made them believe that asking for (or just helping themselves to) food or sleep or space is somehow wrong or detestable.

This includes people who will still flinch, even when they’ve long “escaped” their abusers. Because it is reflexive. It is expected. It is ingrained as normal and when they do small things that may have become doable, like feeding themselves without being told to or having prepared food for others, and someone calls attention to their actions, their heart will race and they may stammer or find themselves a little panicked. Getting a snack in your shared home with your best friend in the world who helped you evacuate your abusive ex’s home can go over fine until said friend humorously, harmlessly comments “What, you didn’t get me any fruit snacks?”

The long lasting effects of abuse have funny ways of showing themselves.