incorrect-tolkien:

The Fellowship as Onion Headlines

Frodo: “I am under 18” button clicked for first time in history of internet

Sam: Man hoping people will notice how many folding chairs he’s carrying at once

Pippin: Welcome to T.G.I fridays! May I annoy the living shit out of you?

Merry: Man looks on helplessly as friend tells him story he’s already heard

Aragorn: Man who thought he lost all hope loses last bit of additional hope he didn’t even know he still had

Gimli: Dwarf falls equivalent of ten stories

Legolas: Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who gives a shit about rich, lustrous hair

Boromir: 27 year old lies about every single aspect of his life to keep parents from worrying

Gandalf: Fucking loser at movie all by himself