thoodleoo:

i really love learning about homoeroticism in the ancient world because it’s really just proof that us gays have always been the most dramatic people on the planet. like, in the iliad achilles gets so mad when his bf dies that he tries to take down a river and in the epic of gilgamesh, gilgamesh is so upset about his bf’s death that he decides to become immortal, and i’d just like to say no straight person would ever

OMG LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE EPIC OF GILGAMESH

• It takes a WEEK of straight banging for Enkidu to become “civilized” because what the fuck EVEN is this bastard’s stamina
• When he confronts Gilgamesh in the middle of prima noctae, they start wrestling and rolling around the GOTDAMN CITY in front of EVERYONE and then they emerge from a house with their arms around each other and we know what that means *wink wink*
• Enkidu has to be CONVINCED by Gilgamesh to slay the monster Humbaba with him and then he has to spend five nights consoling Gilgamesh after nightmares because apparently the guy does not know what cold feet or the subconscious are
• They slay the magic bull the gods send after them in revenge for killing Humbaba because he was evil, but he was also the guardian of the cedar forest and you don’t fuck with that
• The gods have to send down a MAGIC SICKNESS to finally take Enkidu down and Gilgamesh keeps his corpse around until it starts to visibly rot because he is so fucking sad jesus fuckin’ christ
• The journey to the underworld. He basically hacks and slays his way through a bunch of what he sees as obstacles and then kind of threatens his own ancestor to get him to tell him the secret of immortality?
• And then the whole thing ends on a cliffhanger because the fucking magic plant his ancestor gives him is eaten by a snake? And he’s taken back to his home to see that maybe his kingdom isn’t so bad after all. Fucking hell. What a story.