OHMYGOD and you’re not even in the fandom. Thank you, my friend.
Headcanon A: realistic
Octavius can’t get used to the food in the 21st century – Larry’s the first night guard who’s ever shared. There’s no LEAD in the wine? And what in the name of all the gods happened to the fruit? So very confusing.
Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious
He has pierced nipples. Yes, as a miniature.
Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends
He’s pined for Jed for decades and decades, and some nights he wonders if it’s really worth it, all this fighting with no seeming end. There have been times he’s considered going out in the sun just out of sheer existential crisis and what he sees as unrequited love.
Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.
The tablet can occasionally make the miniatures full-sized for a night if Ahkmenrah does enough percussive maintenance on it. Octavius always takes the opportunity to go get New York pizza. (Hey, there’s some food the 21st century does right…)
Death By Catchphrase 