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ernmark:

There’s been a lot of talk about how bad a headmaster Dumbledore was.

He routinely hired incompetent and evil teachers, he regularly cancelled exams, he didn’t interfere with teachers straight-up bullying their students except when the students being bullied were his personal favorites (namely Harry, though likely also the Mauraders, Hagrid, and a young Tom Riddle).

And you know what? It makes perfect sense.

Because Dumbledore never for an instant thought of himself as a teacher or a headmaster. Hogwarts wasn’t the place he wanted to be, it was his personal place of exile, to keep himself from taking over the world alongside his ex-boyfriend.

He saw himself as a puppetmaster and a general, and all of his decisions reflected that.

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jhaernyl:

It pisses me off so much how in the books Parvati and Lavender are just pidgeon-holed as ‘fashion obsessed hair heads’ for most of the books?

I mean, they might not be, but that was the impression pre-teen!me got from reading the books?

And now I’m all … okay, okay Hermione is awesome and we all know it.

But that doesn’t mean Lavender and Parvati are stupid just because they are geared differently from Hermione.

Fashion is hella hard and it requires a lot of memorization and attention to detail? And honestly Lavender and Parvati seem to be pretty nice people, in the little glimpses we get of them?

And all I want is Harry, following the Weasley without getting noticed (because he is used to sneaking around without disturbing people or attracting their attention, owing to the Dursley for that) and getting through the barrier and on the train.

And Lavender’s father helping him out with his baggage, jokingly asking him to keep an eye on his little girl? You seem like a good lad, my Lavender is the most beautiful girl, I need a strong gentleman to keep an eye out until she gets to Hogwarts and she starts to learn magic, so are you up to it?

Which is, of course, not true. Lavender has been going to self-defense lessons for years.

But the man noticed that this was a little kid with no parents around, looking all alone.

He thought ‘hey, maybe I can stick him with my kid and they’ll make friends’

(btw, as Lavender is not, as far as I know, confirmed as pureblood in canon, I am going with half-blood or muggleborn for her, I’m thinking muggleborn for this specific AU?)

And Lavender is all “Daddy!” and apologizing to Harry for her dorky dad the moment he is out of the door.

And very nicely avoiding to comment on his clothes because she knows how it feels to be conscious of how your clothes look on you and it’s clear to her eyes that the way Harry is dressed he is probably from some orphanage or something because those are huge hand me downs.

(Because fuck you 90s, being fashion conscious doesn’t mean you are an elitist bitch).

And her parents are looking at her from the Platform and instead of asking about Harry’s life, not wanting to put him on the spot, Lavender waves to them and starts talking to Harry all “Those are my parents, they are so fascinated with the idea of magic and what I will learn at Hogwarts, I can’t wait to write to them all about the castle. My dad works in an office as an accountant and my mother has a column in –” Insert popular teen magazine for 90s UK.

And Harry is a bit overwhelmed but Lavender isn’t staring at him, she is not forcing him to talk and she looks nice.

So he kind of starts to tell her about the Dursely y’know, not like he did with Ron about how terrible they are, but about Vernon working for Grunnings (Lavender giggles and says ‘Oh I am so sorry but it just sounds like a really silly name? Grunnings.’ and she tries to stretch the word a bit and Harry laughs a little and says yes, because it does sound silly the way she’s saying it, he just had never thought about it. ‘I think it’s Swedish or something’ he offers and Lavenders nods sagely because yes, that makes sense) and how Petunia lives at home and reads all sort of gossipy papers, but not teen ones so sorry, he has never seen Lavender’s mom’s column.

And then the door to their compartment open and Parvati and Padma’s mother (I don’t know if they are pureblood but I’m headcanoning them as pureblood for this one) politely asks if there’s space for two more girls and when Lavender and Harry, after looking at each other, agree, Madam Patil levitates their trunks in (much to the amazement of Harry and Lavender) and settles them above and then guides her daughters in.

She introduces them, putting her hands on her shoulders, cautions her girls to not get wand-happy and wishes everyone a happy Hogwarts year and then leaves them there, going back to the Platform to join her husband and tell him how she left their daughters in the presence of Harry Potter.

“He looked dreadful. Hard up at the very least. I think you should look into his family situation. His clothes, at the very least, were terrible.” She murmurs, softly. “I am sure our girls will adopt him before the ride is over, so you should look forward to hearing about him in their letters.”

Her husband, who knows all about his beloved’s wife tendency to take people under her wing and adopt dangerous animals and fell in love with her for it (as well as for other qualities she has) because he’s very much the same, smiles fondly at her for the last bit and nods seriously at the first one.

It doesn’t matter who the boy is. Well it does, because Harry Potter of course, but it also doesn’t matter because no child should be mistreated.

Also it’s kind of strange that Harry Potter would look hard up, considering it’s common knowledge his parents left him handsomely provided for, full tuition to Hogwarts already paid.

Lavender gushes about how beautiful the Patil twins are, which immediately conquers Parvati, who gushes right back at Lavender’s sparkly accessories.

(Look, I might be wrong because this was the UK and not Italy, and if I am please let me know, but I was a child in the 90s, I bought italian teen magazines, sparkly shit taped to the cover under a plastic sleeve was the shit with fashionable people.)

Of course the moment Harry introduces himself, the Parvati twins try really hard not to goggle, though they do look at his scar, and then Parvati starts asking a storm of questions about where he grew up, whether the Harry Potter adventure books right about all he did since he was a child, if not that what did he do since beating You-Know-Who.

Harry ‘Do you mean Voldemort?’ is greeted by soft gasps, right until Lavender asks ‘Who?’ and then Parvati starts telling her all about the horrible Voldemort and how Harry and his parents saved them all from that monster.

Padma’s brain on the other hand is whirring and she is the one who reassures Harry that he will do just as fine as everybody else, when he says that.

Lavender and Parvati interrupt their convo because Lavender needs to assure to Harry that she’s muggleborn too, so they will have to learn together and he will be just on par with her, while Parvati explains that magical kids do get a leg up because some of them are allowed to practice at home but that really, she will make sure Harry is up to date with everything that is ‘stupefy’ about the magical world.

At which point, Lavender asks what ‘stupefy’ means and Padma explains that it’s the stunning spell, so don’t say it while pointing your wand at anyone and Parvati adds that it means, well, the most stunning things around.

(What? Wizarding children should have their own slang).

So by the point Hermione and Neville come by, the group as already made the first basic ties and while Neville is greeted and introduced by Padma and Parvati to the rest of the group, Hermione goes on fine right until she hears Harry’s name.

Padma and Parvati thinks it’s … whatever wizarding equivalent is there of gauche, that Hermione would throw that torrent of words at Harry and just … presume to know about him.

Lavender is just hella protective of her new friend.

Tightly knit protective of Harry formation is achieved in 0.2 seconds.

Neville, who has been around other pureblood children but has been condescended upon by most of them (not Padma and Parvati, given that Parvati will stick up for him later on, but still, it was a general tendency towards a potential squib) has found in Hermione one person who has been nice to him to the point of going out of her way to help him look for his embarrassing toad, so he gets protective of Hermione right back.

So basically, Parvati tells Hermione that she should not barrage people with informations like that, Neville replies timidly that Hermione didn’t mean anything bad, she just like quoting sources, Lavender tells Harry that he doesn’t have to worry, they’ll look up all that stuff when they get to Hogwarts, Hermione gets huffy because of course she didn’t mean anything bad, she just thought Harry would know about that stuff, Padma asks why Hermione would think that when Harry has been raised in the muggle world, Neville goggles at the news that Harry was raised in the muggle world.

It’s a mess.

And then Draco Malfoy arrives, because he’s been making the rounds of the train to look for Harry Potter (saying hi to family allies on the way).

I am not sure who says what to whom for most of the ‘chat’ but what I am sure of is that by the end of it, Neville and Hermione are going to be best friends forever and an united front against snobby purebloods, Padma has icily informed ‘Mister Malfoy’ that she will be writing to her father about how low the raising standards of the Malfoy have fallen to produce Draco as a result, in response to a snipe Draco made about telling his father about the Patil twins and the rabble they are sticking with, Parvati has informed Crabbe and Goyle that she had not thought they were better than this but they definitely need to find themselves friends who don’t just treat them like dumb muscle and Lavender has vowed to herself that it doesn’t matter to her how cute Draco Malfoy is or how attractive his silver hair are she will spell his hair and robes to look like something an 80s hairband groupie would wear, just as soon as she learns the necessary spells.

To make it simple, battle lines have been drawn, metaphorical blood has been spilled on all sides and the Harry-Lavender-Parvati-Padma friendship has been set in stone.

Ron, if you are curious about him, found a compartment that had Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas in it and spent a really amazing first ride to Hogwarts.

They both made sure Dean knew how Gryffindor was the best house there ever is and then they explained Quidditch to him and became fascinated when Dean explained football (to americans: soccer) to them, especially once Dean started sketching out schemes and stuff.

There are too many players, but it looks like exactly the kind of team effort chasers have to put together only spread through eleven people and that’s just wow.

dancinbutterfly:

ashacrone replied to your post “Finally saw Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and my takeaways…”

What bugs the fuck out of me is the worldbuilding and the lack of rules concerning magic, along with no one, absolutely NO ONE, calling out that they have effectively mind-raped an entire city. I got to see up close and personal what happening to my grandmother when she had dementia- loss of memory is loss of self. And it happened without their permission. I hate, HATE how muggles are treated in this universe.

I’m going to devil’s advocate at you for a second. As a member of a persecuted community that a MUCH LARGER community thinks is DANGEROUS and tries, repeatedly, to murder individuals of, if not outright destroy – I get where the Wizarding World is coming from and I gotta say, I can’t argue with them. Here’s why:

So, the canon states that people seen as magical(whether that suspicion is founded or not) kinda have a history of being treated fucking horribly by non-magical people, it’s mentioned in the Harry Potter series and apparently is a bigger deal in the US because no matter how big the spell – 5 BILLION non-magical people with bombs and guns and mass force really can take on a tens or hundreds of thousands of magical people. As Jew, I’m a member of a group of people that has likewise been hunted and I get it. I for one am tired of being expelled. And imprisoned. And robbed. And tortured. And systematically raped. And having my relics and homes and buildings and businesses and possessions and texts destroyed. And tortured. And murdered.

So. If Jewish people could do what wizards can do, and hide so totally – make our homes and businesses and world completely invisible and inaccessible to gentiles? Holy shit. I would do it in a HEARTBEAT. If I could take away the memory of every gentile that Jews existed? I fucking would. If I could erase us from existence – and only be known to other Jews unless we CHOSE to be known to select members of society who could be trusted to keep us a secret? I fucking would. Because it’s exhausting and it’s terrifying – to know that people think that you are going to destroy their way of life and are therefore a threat (even if you’re really not). 

I agree that there should be regulations on what spells can be cast on non-magical people but in terms of the memory thing? Nope. I get it. And it seems like there ARE regulations. They aren’t allowed to wipe people’s whole lives. They aren’t allowed to change people’s identities. Shit like what happened with Neville’s parents are a fucking crime. But taking away a small period of time? Dude if you say you remember specifics of entire years of your life I’m going to call you a liar because the brain doesn’t work that way to begin with. The oblivate spell as used appropriately (and within the norms that I can see – and granted it has been a LONG TIME since I read the books – so I’m just going with what I can remember and FB&WTFT) takes away an incident, a few days, a few hours when an incident occurs that they weren’t given express consent by a wizard to experience (except with Kowalski which was a point that America is WRONG about the way they treat non-magical people who CAN be trusted by making it a blanket policy) and which therefore violates the regulation of secrecy as a safety measure.

While I get where you are coming from in terms of things like Harry casting that spell on Vernon’s sister needing regulation – things like the short-term memory erasure do not bother me. I don’t care about what is basically the same as an MiB neuralizer because the LIVES of entire community of men, women, children both human and creature, is infinitely more valuable than a few hours or days of time from the memory of millions. I approve. I think it’s smart. I think it’s awesome. I want to steal that power and take it as my own. I envy the safety they have with the fire of a thousand suns and honestly, I don’t give a fuck about how it was done. I really really don’t.

If taking away the memory if a few days or hours would save tens or hundreds of thousands of lives in our world? Like making China forget Tibet and Taiwan was there so that they could live independent, free, and un-harassed for example? Or Russia forget about the Ukraine and the Crimea? Or preventing the devastation of any indigenous community by Europeans ever? I think I’d be in favor of it too. 

thanatosdementor:

In Hp and the prizoner of azkaban when trelawney comes down for the meal she says that 12 ppl were at the table meaning that she could not sit, bc then there would be 13 and that would mean that the first person who stands up, is the first to die. But ppl seem to forget that Ron had scabbers in his pocket, making the ppl at the table already 13 before Trelawney came. 

and then dumbles stood up to pull out a chair for her. 

Have your cake and eat it too: A Harry Potter AU concept

thefaultinourglowclouds:

In the books, it is stated that Harry needed to stay with his blood relatives in order for the protection from Lily to work. Fair enough. That doesn’t excuse the lack of supervision for the Dursleys in the years he was there, but picture this alternative:

Sirius Black doesn’t go chasing after Peter Pettigrew and getting himself stuck in Azkaban for 12 years. Instead, he snaps back into focus and realizes his number one priority is Harry. 

He and Dumbledore get into a fight and Dumbledore is forced to explain his theory and why Harry will be the safest with Petunia. If it’s for Harry’s sake, than maybe this old geezer has a point. That doesn’t mean Sirius will go down without a fight.

The following morning, Dursleys have a terrible awakening. It’s not just Harry. Sirius Black, with a suitcase and a bike he parked in the driveway, is in their living room.

drinking a cup of tea no one offered him. 

If Harry is staying, Sirius will not leave his godson alone with these muggles. He is moving to the Privet drive. The Dursleys have to agree. After all, this strange, shaggy looking obviously crazy person has magic and it’s not like they can call the police. Also, he is willing to pay them a lot more than one room is worth. 

And so the sitcom about a young adult wizard, two toddlers and a pair of muggles all living in one house begins. 

In the end, it’s not all that bad. Harry has the love and care he deserves. Petunia and Sirius become white suburban moms™ together as they cheer their kids on in football games and host birthday parties for their friends. Sirius’s gluten free, vegan, organic chia seed pudding are way better than the one that stupid Karen from across the street makes and that makes him a great ally.  The moments Sirius gets the hang of the dish washing charm, Petunia is on his side. 

They talk about Lily and James a lot, so Harry wouldn’t forget them. Sirius doesn’t spoil him. He’s inexperienced, but not an idiot. Nor does he take him to the wizarding world a lot. After all, a kid his age doesn’t need all that exposure. Remus comes to visit a lot and they teach Harry about their world, the wonder and the magic, about Hogwarts and the Marauders. Others come by too, from time to time. More as the time progresses and Sirius wants Harry to get accustomed to their world. 

Dudley can’t be a bully like his dad would like him to be anymore, nor does he want to. He isn’t scared of magic, but fascinated by it. Petunia still spoils him as much as she can, just to make sure what happened to her when Lily got her letter doesn’t happen to him. He’s a good kid, in the end. 

Vernon is never 100% ok with this arrangement, even after years, but he does warm up to Sirius. They are pretty different, but that doesn’t mean they can’t at least function together. Sirius charms his car so he can avoid traffic jams. After that, they are cool. Even if Vernon still thinks they are all a bit strange.

Harry goes to Hogwart at the age of 11 and they all see him off at the station. Petunia cries, Sirius cries and even Dudley sheds a tear or two for his cousin. They are a family, after all, and Harry is loved.

So, so loved. 

I WISH this had happened!

i’m sorry if I am just being stupid but how did dumbledore do all of that to harry? he didnt kill james and lily (rip forever). I’m just really confused???

jammespotter:

no worries!

basically, i think that dumbledore orchestrated all of the major events that happened in harry’s life from the moment his parents died to the moment that he fell off the astronomy tower. 
dumbledore always had ulterior motives and was just as obsessed with power as voldemort was (which was never really openly discussed in the last book, just alluded to). he always claimed it was for the ~~greater good~~ but i mean…think of all the dictators in history. they all claimed they did things for the greater good so him saying that doesnt really do much imo it just shows that he will do anything to get what he wants. 
which what he wants is voldemort to die. like that is a goal of his. but also he wanted the hallows to himself and he knew that voldemort also wanted the hallows so it isnt just a case of “wow this guy is a racist mass murderer lets stop him!”. dumbledore was insecure in his position as the most powerful wizard in the world and was terrified of being usurped. 
so when baby harry “destroyed” voldemort at only a year old, he zeroed in on him. i think that dumbledore knew that tom had used horcruxes, and i think he had an idea that harry had become one–especially after seeing the scar. so i think he used his power as “the good guy”, and basically decided to craft harry to be a pig for slaughter that was powerful enough to destroy voldemort but was never strong enough to destroy himself. 
so thats why he shoved harry in an abusive household until it was time for hogwarts, bc he knew that the dursleys would never ever let harry know how famous he was or any of that. it wasnt for harry’s protection, it was to sculpt him into a child who was desperate for any sort of praise or affection and was desperate to be accepted. 
dumbledore also wasnt an idiot and had a feeling that tom would come back to hogwarts when harry started. but if that wasnt enough, he went ahead and got something that would lure voldemort in–the sorcerers stone.  he knew about the multiple horcruxes (horcruxi?) and im sure knew that he was on the back of poor quirrell (also poor quirrell like no one ever talks about how sad his life was). so what did he do? he went ahead and hired voldemort and put the stone behind a layer of booty traps that any 11 year old that barely paid any attention in class could get through. 
first test for harry was the troll. harry passed and now he had loyal friends who could help him in his mission for good. dumbledore knew that harry was a powerful wizard, both because of his parents and because he was part voldemort. but it didnt hurt for harry to have backup–and also now harry had something to lose, which really propelled harry into his martyrdom throughout the series. 
dumbledore tracks voldemort’s movements through the year, only telling one person about the stone. the one person who also is a loveable idiot who spills secrets the second he has a sip of firewhiskey. its no coincidence that hagrid was the one who got harry, dumbledore wanted that bond early on. anyways, so the night comes and dumbledore ~~mysterious goes away~~. he knew harry knew about the stone, so he just let him do it. no, he didn’t let him, he planned it so harry would go and face voldemort and get the stone. it was just a test. and harry passed. 
cue the affection in the hospital wing where dumbledore takes on a fatherly role that seems almost out of character for him (hint: because it is and it was just a part of the plan to get harry attached and loyal to him). 

second year happens, and who do you think slipped Lucius the horcrux? who do you think started spreading that the Dark Lord was rising again? 

honestly the most damning evidence to this theory is the 3rd book where dumbledore acts like sirius black is this criminal despite the fact he 100% KNOWS sirius isnt. dumbledore wasnt planning on sirius getting out and the fact that he did fucked up his plan. it meant that harry would have a father figure and potentially be happy. Nope. cant have that for your war hero, can you? So instead of telling the world sirius is innocent (bc…if 8 year olds who read the book understand how sirius is innocent i think grown ass wizards can too, especially if it comes from dumbledore and the minister of magic) he tells sirius to go into hiding. dont contact harry as much. its “too dangerous”. sirius ofc doesnt listen (much) and still contacts harry, but is still under the weight of dumbledore who could crush him in a second if he got out of line. 

honestly i could go on for all of the books but this is really long lmao long story short dumbledore is a piece of shit and is the reason harry had to go thru everything he did. but also is the reason why voldemort was defeated so. 

Not sure if I believe that he was responsible for Lucius and the diary, but otherwise, spot on.

its-holden-caulfield:

this is kinda late, but in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, we learn that the muggle Prime Minister of Britain knows about wizards and talks with Fudge (the minister of magic) from time to time. so does that mean donald j. trump, President of the United States of America knows about the American wizarding community and MACUSA!!???!??!?!?? Honestly, all Grindelwald needed to succeed in his plan to expose magic to the muggles was for that orange loofa to be president and have access to twitter. He must laughing so hard in his fucking grave i s2g

I agree with this. It’s a scary prospect. 0_0

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ozymandias271:

“our teeth and ambitions are bared” is a zeugma

and it’s a zeugma where one of the words is literal and one is metaphorical which is the BEST KIND

I didn’t know about zeugmas until just now! That is so awesome, everybody: 

zeug·ma

ˈzo͞oɡmə/

noun

  1. a figure of speech in which a word applies to two others in different senses (e.g.,John and his license expired last week ) or to two others of which it semantically suits only one (e.g., with weeping eyes and hearts ).

ISN’T THAT AWESOME??

#in english class in high school my teacher had us write our own zeugmas in class#and one guy came up with ‘he fell from her favor… and the window’#i am forever looking for opportunities to use that one

She dropped her dress and inhibitions at the door.

What’s this? My favorite rhetorical device showing up on my dashboard?

IT HAS A NAMEEEE!! OH MY GOD!!!

I LOVE THIIIIIS!!!

One I’ve loved was “on their weekend trip they caught three fish and a cold”

I love these they’re like a pun and a metaphor wrapped up into one neat phrase

@jwlzrulezz rhetorical device of the day

She stole my heart and my cat. 😀

OH.

crime pulp is full of zeugma and it’s the greatest. “she was the kind of girl who’d break your heart, or maybe your arm.”

“Two men walked into a bar. The third ducked.” is probably not a proper zeugma but the joke leads you to assign one definition of “bar” to the first part before leading you to conclude that it’s the other type of bar with the context provided by the second part.

That said, my favorite proper zeugma is the Burma-Shave poem 

“He saw a train / and tried to duck it / kicked first the gas / and then the bucket.”

Omg I love this! I need to put more of these in my writing.

omg i love
this i need to put more of
these in my writing

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