You know that feeling where you need to eat but you have no idea what exactly to eat so you just start throwing things in a pan and suddenly you have rice where it shouldn’t be and a gravy you’ve mixed with way too many Italian herbs and why is all this garlic here??
Food turned out surprisingly well. I am impressed
Reminds me of the time I mixed organo with garam masala in a dish and it turned out great.
I am so fucking sick of Aly Sue.
She could have fought harder for Rhaenys to be queen. She could have given her Dark Sister if she loved female warriors so much (thanks, @aegor-bamfsteel). She could have instituted laws that allowed women at the Wall and punished any rapist by death (the Targs had GODDAMN DRAGONS, don’t tell me “they wouldn’t have accepted it”). She could have fought for Rhaena, Rhaella, and Aerea to have actual places at court or to marry her kids. But what did she do instead?
Took the Starks’ land and didn’t do jack with it, and didn’t even compensate them for what they’d lost. Let her whiny kid convince her to let her disgustingly misogynistic husband off the couch (GO TO ESSOS ON YOUR GODDAMN FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON, LADY). Went on her merry way as queen while ignoring her sister and nieces, the former of whom had been raped and abused at Maegor’s hands. Didn’t. Do. Shit. Especially not for women.
Fuck Alysanne. And fuck Jaehaerys, too, and the so-called good Targaryens.
I love this so much.
My little rebel sun sneaking out of the museum when Larry wasn’t looking just so he can explore and eat food that’s bad for him and probably also go to parties with Nicky once or twice.
Like I don’t know what’s open in New York late at night but I imagine what ever is Ahk’s been there at least once, keeps anything he finds hidden in the back of his tomb so no one finds it.
Ahk would make a lot of weird friends too with other people who are out that late, he spends so much times at the McDonalds they offer him a job but he refuses it saying “I can’t be out after the sun comes up.” (The staff low key thinks he’s a vampire after that).
And like Larry would be so clueless about the whole thing, like for a long time he would genuinely have no idea Ahk has ever left the museum even as the other exhibits start to figure it out. (Jed and Octavius once convince Ahk to take them with him to McDonalds. The late night staff don’t even question them because honestly weird shit always happens around Ahk. That McDonalds has seen it all, even though Ahkmenrah mysteriously never ends up on camera).
Anyways yeah I love this headcannon a lot.
Okay but I just… I really love this idea
Like, logically, I realize he probably had Nicky get him some clothes, or stole them from Larry, but like….
My first image was just some poor cashier, working the graveyard shift at McDonalds
And then a dude decked out in full egyptian pharaoh gear walks through the door. Looking around at absolutely everything with a sense of wonder and vague confusion
He asks weird questions that make no sense, he has a nice but out-of-place british accent, and he’s also quite handsome. He makes weirdly dark jokes, but also giggles when someone makes a pun. He always pays in cash, and he doesn’t give his name. But he’s… really weird.
They end up befriending him and stuff, and he keeps coming in, buying a different thing off the menu each time because apparently he wants to try everything and he’s actually surprisingly helpful and polite, despite seeming perpetually confused at everything modern.
The cashier thinks he’s a method actor. The cook thinks he might be like, some guy that was cyro-frozen or something (”Like Captain America!”). The manager insists that he’s a vampire. One regular 3 a.m. customer swears up-and-down that he’s escaped from a mental asylum.
And when someone finally gets the nerve to ask, he looks them dead in the eye and says,
I am Ahkmenrah, fourth king of the four kings and ruler of the land of my fathers.
And he’s completely serious. Just. Dead serious.
And they’re like….. what
They might look it up. Maybe they even go the museum (”nah dude he can’t really be that guy, he’s mummified in a museum just down the road”).
Maybe at some point Larry figures it out and they just see this guy (Ahkmenrah, apparently?) walk in like always, clutching a small wad of cash and already scanning the menu, and then a fuCKIGN SECURITY GUARD BURSTS IN LIKE “WHERE ARE YOU YOU LITTLE SHIT”
Yeah that’s fun for larry to try and explain (”uh….this is my cousin!! he.. enjoys LARPing!” “larry, what is larpi-?” “shut up”)
And then one day he comes in with an actual monkey on his shoulder. And they’re just like You know what? McWhatever. He buys it a BigMac.
And then another day he comes in with two tiny men on his shoulders, who are bickering loudly over whether they’re going to share a McChicken or a McDouble. And they’re like. What the actual McFuck.
And one of the cashiers is like “Wait aren’t they from the diorama exhibit in the museum??”
And suddenly this random mixture of tired college students and underpaid young adults have to process that the exhibits of the museum down the road come down occasionally for shitty food.
and just
I love this
AHAHAHAHA YES THIS!
First fight scene of the book. I’ve just finished it and my heart is pounding to match the protagonist’s!
All I can say is, my poor main character. I’m torturing him and he’s acting out in turn.
Also, what a fucking RUSH!
Imagine Ahkmenrah using tons of puns and poor ‘literally’ jokes about his lack of internal organs…
someone telling Ahkmenrah to use his brain, IDK maybe he did something stupid or whatever
And he just shouts “I DON’T HAVE A BRAIN it got ripped out through my nose. My skull is empty”
Getting told to ‘have a heart’ and he’s just like “A heart is all I have”
He sees something gross and turns to Larry in all seriousness “I’ll leave this to you, I don’t have the stomach for it”
“Once some grave robbers stole one of my canopic jars… Someone literally sold my kidneys”
Getting drunk and Ahkmenrah saying “Well it’s not exactly going to damage my liver is it” And holds up his liver’s canopic jar giggling.
…. Ahkmenrah advising that people don’t open the jars, as technically since he’s come back to life, every piece of him might have even if it’s not a part of him anymore
They don’t even ask Ahk if he wants to stay in London, they just assume.
They never asks what he wants.
He probably feels so abandoned by them.
They were supposed to be his family. They were supposed to love him.
And after what happened on the roof and now this
Can’t you just see the doubt and pain flashing in his eyes?
Maybe they never loved him.
Maybe they didn’t care.
Maybe they were happy to be rid of him.
It just hurts me too much.
Ahkmen hurts me too muchliterally those inconsiderate pissbags didn’t even fuckign ask
they just assumed. like, okay, ahk could either go with his controlling family, whom he spent like 5,000 years with, or he could go with his new family, who were supposed to care about him. but you know whatever i’m not mad at all
Ahk had never even mentioned his parents!! Not once, in all the years that they knew him, not once did Ahk talk about his parents! He never talked about his family period, probably refused to even after everything that happened with Kahmunrah and shouldn’t that have been a sign he didn’t miss them??
I mean, Ahk knew where his parents where. He knew they were at Cambridge but never once did he mention visiting them until the survival of the magic depends on it. And even then when he first talks about his father he doesn’t sound at all like he misses them!! If anything he sounds a little annoyed with his father, something that keeps up even when Ahk is around his parents.
Of course he smiles when he sees them because it’s been over 60 years and he does love them even if they annoy him at times, but is there anything in their reunion at all that indicates he wants to be with them??
His father treats him like a child!!! And we know, we know Ahk hates being talked down to, he is fierce and independent and incredible, a true pharaoh but his father treats him like a kid and so does his mother.
Kids move out of their parents house, they build a life and move on and whilst they’ll always love their parents they don’t want to move back in with them.
It would be like coming to Larry and ripping him from the family, the life he built and forcing him back into his parents home with no control, no money, no freedom.
That’s what they did to Ahkmenrah but forcing him to stay at Cambridge.
Now whether Ahk would actually be able to tell his parents he wanted to go back to New York should he have been given a choice is another option, because he does still love and respect them dearly and he’s always been a good son and done what’s expected of him, and obviously it’s expected that he would choose to stay with his parents over what his parents see as mere friends is a whole other question. Definitely depends on how you view Ahk, I could personally see it going either way, but at least he would of had a choice and have known he was still wanted in New York. That he was still loved by the people he held closest to him.
literally like. that’s what really gets me. not just that they abandoned him, but they didn’t fucking give him a choice.
like. they didn’t even ask. they didn’t even think about it. what the fuck
This begs for a sequel in which Ahkmenrah decides to stay in New York permanently, and he and the exhibits hug and make up. Also Larry.
Larry: So, what do you think of Ahkmenrah?
Random Museum Exhibit: He is so childish and look at those ridiculous clothes..
Larry, puts Octavius and Jed in his purse : I’m sorry i have to go home immediately
Ahk @ the miniatures: My eyelashes are longer than your dicks
miniatures @ Ahk: and yet we still get more action than you do
Death By Catchphrase 