Historian Thomas Cahill, author of The Gifts of the Jews
(Knopf, 1999) claimed that the Jews invented the very concept of
history. They were the first, he said, to perceive time not as an
endless circle of life, death and rebirth, but as the flight of an
arrow, on a linear path to somewhere from somewhere.
However, what if time is not one arrow, but a volley
of arrows? What if there are other timelines, other histories, other
Jews? Would they still have a covenant with the one God? What would have
become of their triumphs? Their defeats? Their suffering and their
successes?
Award-winning author/editors Andrea D. Lobel and Mark Shainblum propose to answer this question in Other Covenants, the first-ever anthology of Jewish alternate history, to be published by ChiZine Publications in Fall 2019!
SUBMISSION GUIDELINES
Submission window: August 28, 2017 at 12:01 AM Eastern Time to Sunday, Feb. 4, 2018, at 11:59 PM Eastern Time.
Open to submissions by authors of all backgrounds, from anywhere in the world.
Stories must be in the alternate history genre and must be clearly relevant to the theme of the anthology.
Length: 500–15,000 words. There are
relatively few spots for stories at the high end, so please query first
if you think your story will go long.
Preference will be given to stories
previously unpublished in English, however, we will consider previously
published stories on a case-by-case basis.
NEW: Also open to poetry submissions. Original
poems on theme. No more than 2 pages (8.5 x 11) in length. (Maximum word
count set arbitrarily to 2,000 words as system won’t allow max lines or
pages.) No need to double-space.
Submissions may be made in English or French. Author is responsible for translations into English after acceptance.
English-language translations of
stories from other languages (published or unpublished) are welcome, but
we can only accept submissions in English or French.
Multiple submissions welcome; up to two stories maximum per author, sent under separate cover.
We prefer no simultaneous submissions, please (we promise to respond promptly).
Initial responses (rejections, holds,
and rewrite requests) within 30 days of submission; final responses no
later than 30 days after the deadline.
Payment is 8 cents per word in Canadian funds. (SFWA qualifying after exchange to US funds).
File formats accepted: .docx, .doc, or .rtf.
Formatting: indented paragraphs;
italics in italics (not underlined); Canadian spelling; use # (or other
unambiguous symbol) to indicate scene breaks; no headers, footers, or
pagination; no outlandish formatting, please; full contact info (name,
street address, email, phone number) and word count on the first page.
That said, don’t fret too much about formatting; good fiction is what’s
most important. (Correct spelling also counts.)
Please include a cover letter with a brief author bio, title of story, and full contact info, including street address.
Please do not summarize or describe the story in the cover letter.
To be published by ChiZine Publications in Fall 2019.
Rights: First World Rights, including
audio and translation rights. (NOTE: CZP has a foreign rights agent who
will be presenting the anthology in foreign markets.)
NOTE ON PSEUDONYMS: we will only
publish one story per author, even if you write under several names;
please use your real name on all correspondence and indicate your
pseudonym in the cover letter and on the byline of the story itself.
NOTE ON SUBJECT MATTER: Any book
dealing with the Jewish people, Jewish history and Israel will, by
definition, be controversial. We welcome controversy and politics, but
don’t forget that this is a fiction anthology. Telling good stories
takes first, second and third place. Submissions that grind axes loud
enough to drown out the story are unlikely to be accepted.
Questions or queries: othercovenants@gmail.com. Please don’t submit stories via email, as noted above.
A WORD ABOUT THE ALTERNATE HISTORY GENRE
Other Covenants is open to
authors of every background, and for those of you who may not be
familiar with alternate history, here’s a quick thumbnail sketch of the
genre.
A popular sub-genre of speculative fiction, alternative history weaves
fictional narratives into the “what-if”s of the past, and explores the
infinite number of historical roads not taken in the past, present or
future.
The Collins English Dictionary
defines alternative history as “a genre of fiction in which the author
speculates on how the course of history might have been altered if a
particular historical event had had a different outcome.” According to
Steven H. Silver, an American science fiction editor, alternate history
requires three things:
1. A point of divergence from the history of our world prior to the time at which the author is writing
2. A change that would alter history as it is known
3. An examination of the ramifications of that change
Although alternate history is related to
counterfactual history, it is distinct from it. The latter term is used
by historians to refer to the academic, non-literary, question “what
could have happened if …”.
Now please don’t take the above as
prescriptive or proscriptive. We understand that boundaries are vague,
definitions are fuzzy, and the distinction between an alternate history
and a counterfactual may be entirely in the eye of the beholder. But
whatever voice you write in, please keep in mind that first and foremost
we are looking for stories about characters.
Also, though alternate history originated as a sub-genre of science fiction and fantasy and may incorporate tropes like the many-worlds theory, parallel universes, time travel, mysticism and magic, these are not
requirements. Use them if you want to, don’t use them if you don’t. The
only speculative element required is the break from history as we know
it, and the effect of that break on the Jewish people.
THE KIND OF THEMES WE MIGHT EXPLORE:
Please don’t take these as prescriptive
or proscriptive either, the whole canvas of Jewish history is open to
you—Biblical, historical and mythological:
What if • the Holocaust had never happened?
What if • Joseph’s brothers had not sold him into slavery in Egypt?
What if • The State of Israel had been established in Uganda? Or Germany?
What if • Jesus’ followers had not broken with Judaism?
What if • The Jews had proselytized their faith door-to-door for a thousand years?
What if • The Romans had not destroyed Jerusalem and the Second Temple?
What if • Judaism became the dominant Western religion, but was
riven by conflicts between the Temple priesthood and reformist rabbis
who put the Torah and prayer before Temple ritual and sacrifice?
What if • The Spanish Inquisition had never occurred?
What if • Napoleon had not smashed down Europe’s ghetto walls?
What if • The Protocols of the Elders of Zion were reality … in some other universe?
ABOUT THE EDITORS
Andrea D. Lobel has been a writer and editor for over a decade, winning two awards for her work.
An ordained rabbi and university
lecturer, she holds an M.A. in Religious Studies (McGill University),
and a Ph.D. in Religion (Concordia University), specializing in the
history of religion and science, astronomy and religion, celestial
mythologies, calendars, magic, and religious authority in Judaism, as
well as in the Hebrew Bible and its ancient Near Eastern context.
Her book, Under a Censored Sky:
Astronomy and Rabbinic Authority in the Talmud Bavli and Related
Literature, is forthcoming from Brill Publishers in 2018–19.
Mark Shainblum was born
and raised in Montreal, where he and illustrator Gabriel Morrissette
co-created the acclaimed comics series Northguard and Angloman with
Gabriel Morrissette. Northguard has recently been revived by
Chapterhouse Comics in Toronto.
In addition to writing comics, Mark has published science fiction in various magazine and anthology markets including On Spec and Island Dreams: Montreal Writers of the Fantastic. As an editor, he co-edited Arrowdreams: An Anthology of Alternate Canadas with John Dupuis in 1998 and Superhero Universe: Tesseracts Nineteen in 2016 with Claude Lalumière.
Mark shared an Aurora Award with John Dupuis in 1999 for Arrowdreams, and in 2016 he was inducted into the Joe Shuster Awards Canadian Comic Book Creator Hall of Fame.
Mark and Andrea live in Ottawa with their daughter.
HERE. FOR. THIS. Mark’s anthology Arrow Dreams is one of my fave alt history anthologies and Angloman is a gem of Anglo Montreal history.
As a chick married to an ex-cop, I say this all the time to people close to me, but it bears repeating here: No cop is your friend after you’ve been detained.
Get rear ended by a drunk at a red light? That cop will direct traffic around your vehicle, document the accident, sure. Call animal control on your piece of shit neighbor? You’ve got a pretty good chance the officer who shows up helps out in a meaningful way.
But after you’ve been arrested, when a police officer says, “Just be honest with me and I’ll do the same.” or the old “Help me and I’ll help you.” Politely ask for a lawyer. Shake your head. Ignore them. Pretend you’re Hollywood royalty being asked for a selfie. “ …mmmm… Sorry, but no.”
Keep your mouth shut. Don’t do their work for them. Wait for a lawyer.
I worked as a police dispatcher for a year and a half, and I’d agree with this. My cops were generally nice people (and I say this having been on the wrong end of their sirens twice, once before and once after being hired), and they often helped in good ways… on the street. Not so much in the station. Generally speaking (and I know this is oversimplification and is worse in a lot of places but), it went like this:
On the street, you were considered as a person/citizen they have sworn to protect who may have made a mistake or done something wrong.
Once you were in the station, you were considered as a criminal. In the station you are the only one on your side.
Stay safe.
TV and film has you thinking that only guilty people ask for a lawyer. This is not true. The law is complex and difficult and confusing and if you’re being questioned by the police you’re not going to be in your best state of mind. A lawyer is your basic civil right and you should exercise that right. Keep silent, ask for a lawyer, take your legal advice.
Guilty people don’t ask for a lawyer, smart people do.
“Guilty people don’t ask for a lawyer, smart people do.”
My uncle was a cop. My uncle is the most down to earth, wouldn’t hurt a fly person in the world. I don’t think he even arrested a single person ever, that wasn’t his job on the force.
His advice? Get a fucking lawyer. Never say a damn word. A cop knows how to twist your words around and make you even doubt yourself. They know damn well how to make you feel guilty by getting a lawyer. YOU need to know that it’s SMART to get a lawyer. Get a lawyer.
Also, even when they have decent intentions, police make mistakes. Sometimes really stupid mistakes that badly affect the person they’re dealing with and affect the quality of evidence that is available if the matter goes to trial. You shouldn’t be the only person there to notice them. You should have a lawyer there to back up your voice when you point them out (or to point out ones that you won’t notice because you’re less familiar with the law).
I don’t know what the situation is like in every jurisdiction, but in New Zealand when the police arrest you, and again if they try to ask you questions or more formally interview you, they’re required to give you your Bill of Rights which includes the point that you have the right to speak to a lawyer without delay and in private before deciding whether to answer any questions, and that if you don’t have a lawyer, police have a list of lawyers you can speak to for free. Those public defenders are on call for exactly this purpose. (It’s better to call them than, say, a family lawyer who you know but who really only deals with wills and real estate and stuff like that.) This does not commit you to continuing to use this lawyer if things go further, you can always choose another later.
The system is not foolproof. Sometimes the lawyers who should be available on call don’t answer their phones. Based on what I’ve heard in court, the police may be able to require you to go ahead with evidential breath or blood alcohol testing if that’s what you’re in for, because obviously you’re metabolising the alcohol all the time you sit there and the point of the test is to get a reading as close as possible to what it was when you were driving, but in terms of interviewing, questioning, do not believe any police officer who suggests that you’ll just have to go ahead without any lawyer, or that it would be easier if you did that. It would be easier for them. Stick to your rights and repeat that you want to speak to a lawyer before deciding whether to answer any questions.
If you haven’t done anything illegal then this is the best way to protect yourself and if you have done something illegal, well, your lawyer can help ensure that you are fairly dealt with and not charged with more than you should be. Even if you know you’ve done something wrong and actually intend to plead guilty if charged, get that lawyer. Don’t leave yourself at the mercy of the integrity and/or competence of the police.
Friendly reminder that Vincent van Gogh willingly checked himself into an asylum so that he could get better, resulting in him creating some of the most iconic paintings of his entire career, done in the asylum, when he was being treated 24/7, because he finally didn’t have to struggle with his demons and could instead focus on his muse, WHICH WERE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!
Remember this little insignificant painting?
How about this one?
Check this one out:
All of these and more were painted in the asylum when he was receiving treatment for his mental illnesses and I know I just said that but I said it again and I’m saying it a third time until you dramatic abled assholes understand!
VINCENT VAN GOGH
– KNEW THAT HE WAS MENTALLY ILL
– WANTED TO CHANGE THAT
– WENT TO AN ASYLUM
– GOT THE HELP HE NEEDED
– PAINTED SOME ICONIC MASTERPIECES AS A RESULT!
SO DON’T YOU DARE COME OUT HERE WITH THIS, “I WISH I WAS DEPRESSED SO I COULD BE AS CREATIVE AS VAN GOGH” BULLSHIT BECAUSE EVEN HE KNEW THAT HIS DEMONS WERE HARMING HIS WORK, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, HIS HEALTH, AND HE DID EVERYTHING WITHIN HIS POWER TO FIGHT THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HIS LIFE, UNTIL THEY ENDED UP WINNING!
Although I like the point your trying to get across, pushing through mental illness by seeking he help of others, Vincent Van Gogh’s days in the asylum were not the highlight of his life where he got better
For context, Vincent checks himself into the asylum shortly after he cuts off his ear, an event caused by the departure of Paul Gauguin (another artist, who Vincent was liveing with due to Vincent’s dreams of gathering up artists to create new types of art)
During a disagreement about art Ganguin threatens to leave and Vincent ,in response, threatens him with a straight razor. The argument eventually leads into the streets where Vincent ,realizing the situation, blots back inside, later cutting off his ear and presenting it to a prostitute in the next door café and returning to his room. The prostitute, horrified, gets the police and Vincent is arrested in his home, bleeding to death.
Vincent then ,realizing that he is mentally unstable, knows that he needs help. However he can’t turn to his friends or family because his parents are dead, Vincent doesn’t want to further strain the relationship he has with his brother (who was supporting Vincent financially and just got married), most if not all of the people in Arles were afraid of him. So as a last ditch effort he goes to the Saint Paul asylum.
Please keep in mind, Vincent lives in the early twentieth century at the latest in his life. Vincent checks in the asylum in may 1889 and leaves a year later, dining that year he is subjected to ice baths, lives in prison like conditions, and lives in a cell to the point where all of his paintings that he does out his window , INCLUDEINH THE STARRY NIGHT, have the bars edited out
In may of 1890 Vincent checks himself out and moves to northern France and continues painting
This is his last painting “wheat fields with crows” it was painted two months after Vincent left Saint Paul’s asylum where Vincent was bothered by the crows watching the wheat and asked a farmer if he could barrow the farmer’spistol to shoot the crows, the farmer agreed and handed Vincent the pistol.
Two shots were heard, one for the crown another for himself
Sadly Vincent did not just die that day, he died of the infection
Note:
This isn’t an attack on the OP or depression I do think that mental illness is a problem and although Vincent is famous for his pices in the asylum and his mental illness but there was a time before and that’s the part of Vincent that I like better an optomistic artist who wants to change the from. And did.
-Vincent Van Gogh “the pink orchard” 1887
Yeah, Van Gogh was miserable in the asylum. To suggest otherwise is ahistorical, revisionist, and dangerous.
It’s also dangerous to assume that institutionalization helps everyone. Abuse still occurs in psychicatric wards, although thankfully, to a lesser extent.
It’s important for people to be aware of what they’re getting into – to do research – before self-admitting.
It’s also important to have a contact outside of the ward and a keyword (one author used “watermelon”) as a distress signal to communicate abuse. This way, the contact can work on getting you out of there.
Get help, but also, be careful.
@yamitamiko I know you probably didn’t mean any harm but here, more info.
I’m wandering around Whole Foods unattended (left the bae sleeping) and there’s a person here doing a demonstration on the uses for essential oils around the home and I may have to fight them.
Just for the record, tea tree oil is toxic to dogs and cats and you should not “drop a few drops on their bed to disinfect it”. Tea tree oil is only safe for your pets when thoroughly diluted, the safety range being a dilution of 0.1 to 1%. Most tea tree oil bottles come at 100%.
You are potentially dropping liquid death onto your pets bed where it will certainly come into contact with their skin and may be ingested when they lick themselves or their bed. Also never ever orally administer tea tree oil to your pet, I dont care what that one blogger and their nice clean aesthetic said, tea tree oil is toxic to dogs and cats and you will make them sick or possibly even kill them. It should only ever be used topically but only ever at the correct dilution and after the consultation of your vet who will most certainly have a better non lethal solution for your furry friend.
Now. If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to fight a Young Living sales rep. Hold my cart.
Their response when I quietly sidled up to them (I’m not an actual asshole who yells at people while they are doing their job) and informed them that some of the information (all of it, actually) was wrong, the sales rep looked immediately remorseful, told me they knew it was wrong, but that they had a script to follow in order to maximize sales, and that if they didn’t make their target goal they didn’t get paid.
So just in case you give a shit about ethical business practices and your pets (not to mention yourselves!): Do Not Buy Young Living Essential Oils.
Not only do I suspect they are synthetic based (meaning myself and several others with respiratory allergies have reacted badly to them, in ways we do not react to actual pure oils which are obtained through either steam or cold press. I do not trust their “authentic” claims, and I have worked with a lot of essential oils over the last decade and a half. Also, the whole “therapeutic grade” things doesn’t actually mean shit. It’s not a standard recognized by any official regulating authority in the US, AUS, UK or other parts of Europe. Always dillute your oils with a carrier oil for topical application and for the love of god stop drinking them. You want the supplement not the essential oil, it’s a separate thing!) they also do not care that they are offering dangerous consumer advice, but are actively enforcing it. Do not buy into their pyramid scheme. Do not buy or sell from them.
I had to be That person who asked to speak to the manager of my local WH today because holy shit this, could have straight up murdered someone’s cat or caused their dog to have seizures. Their response to my concern was a befuddled “but it’s natural…” and I had to respond with “so is arsenic but I don’t see you selling it in the supplements aisle as a vital mineral”. She had to straight up think about that for a second before it clicked.
Natural =/= safe. Be careful and educated and always double check your sources.
Vote 👏🏼 in 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 2018 👏🏼 Midterm 👏🏼 Elections 👏🏼
SERIOUSLY
If you vote in Democrats, they’ll be able to block Trump’s policies
It’s not just that they’ll be able to block Drumpf’s policies for the (hopefully only) remaining two years: the
entire House of Representatives is up for re-election in 2018. Whoever
wins the House in 2018 will still control it in 2020, when we have our
next census. This means we voting districts will get to be redrawn and if Republicans retain control of the House in
2020, they will make gerrymandering even worse than it is now, which
already favors them.
But the odds are severelyin favor of Republicansfor 2018. The election is ridiculously lopsided:
23 Democrat seats and both (there are only 2) Independent seats (who
Caucus with Dems) will be up for the taking compared to only 8
Republican seats.
Not to mention midterm election turnout is always far less than POTUS elections and Republicans consistently turn out for midterms while non-Republicans fail to show up worse than they normally do.
It gets worse. This is the Senate race in 2018:
Arizona – Currently Republican
California – Currently Democrat
Connecticut
– Currently Democrat
Delaware
– Currently Democrat
Florida
– Currently Democrat
Hawaii
– Currently Democrat
Indiana
– Currently Democrat
Maine
– Currently Independent
Maryland
– Currently Democrat
Massachusetts
– Currently Democrat
Michigan
– Currently Democrat
Minnesota
– Currently Democrat
Mississippi
– Currently Republican
Missouri
– Currently Democrat
Montana
– Currently Democrat
Nebraska
– Currently Republican
Nevada
– Currently Republican
New Jersey
– Currently Democrat
New Mexico
– Currently Democrat
New York
– Currently Democrat
North Dakota
– Currently Democrat
Ohio
– Currently Democrat
Pennsylvania
– Currently Democrat
Rhode Island
– Currently Democrat
Tennessee
– Currently Republican
Texas
– Currently Republican
Utah
– Currently Republican
Vermont
– Currently Independent
Virginia
– Currently Democrat
Washington
– Currently Democrat
West Virginia
– Currently Democrat
Wisconsin
– Currently Democrat
Wyoming
– Currently Republican
All of the states in bold were awarded to Drumpf, 11 of which are currently held by Democrats. Republicans hold a 52 seat majority right now. If they can maintain the 8 seats they have to defend, they only need 8 Democrat and/or Independent seats to have a 60 seat supermajority and the power to pass basically anything they want under Trump for two years.
If you think it’s catastrophic now (and it is), imagine Drumpf and the Republicans with a 60 seat supermajority for two years plus a Republican House with the power to redistrict in 2020.
And that is why organizing now is critical. Getting people to run against every GOP House Member and tying every action by Trump to them. Make the 2018 elections ALL ABOUT TRUMP. This is also about taking back Governor’s Mansions.
It is NOT impossible, but it requires effort. 2018 elections efforts SHOULD ALREADY BE UNDERWAY!
@ all my american followers
Important note: States redistrict. Not Congress. So, while it’s important to keep Trump from making gains it’s also crazy important to work on state legislature races.
I’m pretending all the time to be, kinder, stronger, funnier, more sociable than I am. I guess we’re all like that but it just feels so inadequate.
What’s the difference?
I know it sounds flippant but… certain things are fundamentally performative. And other things are so close as makes no difference.
Kindness is performative. Actions are kind, and people are kind by performing those actions. You can’t “pretend” to be kinder than you are, you can only perform kindness or not perform kindness, and choosing to perform kindness is always worthwhile, no matter how much you may second-guess your motivations.
Strength is so many things. It takes strength to pretend a strength you don’t feel. And the way to achieve strength is to exercise it, so long as you do it in enough moderation to not strain or break anything. Being able to affect strength when necessary while being able to put it down again when that in turn is necessary is healthy. Everyone starts weight training with the littlest weights. It’s not fake or pretending to do what you gotta do in any given situation.
Funniness lives in the interlocutor, not in the speaker. It doesn’t matter how funny you think you are (or think you are pretending to be) – that’s not how it’s measured. At what point are you “pretending” to be a musician if the music still gets made? And often what it’s tempting to describe in first person as “pretending” is more accurately described in the third person as “practicing” – which is of course the way you cause things to Be.
Sociability is also performative. Pretending to be sociable is just…being sociable, despite a disinclination towards it. It’s making an effort towards something you value. So long as the effort is not so great that it backfires into resentment, there’s no practical difference.
Qualities or activities or whatever are no less worthy because you have to actively choose to perform them. If anything, the worthiness lies in the act of choosing. It’s not “pretending” – it’s agency.
tl;dr: ain’t nothing wrong with “fake it till you make it.” A plastic spoon* holds just as much soup as a “real” one
* I keep wanting to talk about semantic domains! Artifacts are defined by their utility, whereas living things are defined by their identity. So plastic forks are still forks, but plastic flowers aren’t flowers. So there’s two pep-talk messages to take away from this: (1) for certain things, the distinction between “fake” and “real” isn’t a relevant one so long as they still get the job done, and (2) the purpose of a living thing is to be the thing that it is. The idea of a “useless person” is as semantically nonsensical as the idea of “pretend kindness” (or fake cutlery).
I love this post. It illustrates what I think is maybe the key difference between a developing self-identity and a formed self-identity, which is, like…confidence? If you are BEING kind, consistently, if you are prioritizing that over your own comfort or fatigue or even, occasionally, your emotional inclination (because OH MY GOD FUCK THIS GUY, I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE–uuughhh, but no, I’m not gonna lash out at him, that won’t accomplish anything, and besides, he’s probably had a bad day, he’s under a lot of stress, I don’t have to be an asshole about this…), guess what? That makes you kind. That is literally what kindness is. Same for patience, same for strength, same for all of this stuff. You got it. You’re doing it. You’re not faking anything. Stop second-guessing yourself and cutting yourself down. Give yourself enough credit to look at your actions and confidently assert to yourself that you are no longer just making things up as you go.
Humans are packbondy creatures. I mean, there’s just no arguing it. They packbond readily, and quickly, and unbelievably strongly. Once a human has packbonded with a thing, they will do anything to help and protect that thing.
There’s a downside to that, not often mentioned. It uses up a lot of their time and energy to build those packbonds, maintain those packbonds, and most especially to do the work of helping and protecting those with whom they have packbonded. It doesn’t leave them a lot of time and energy for helping other beings.
If you want a human to help you – if you want to reliably get their best effort – you have to packbond with them first.
“Yeah? So?” So you’re probably going to be working with humans for most, if not all, of your career. No matter how good or bad you are at your job, there will come a time when you need someone else in your workspace to help you with something, whether that’s manning the fry station for 2 minutes while you pee, sending over those numbers from marketing, or dropping everything to teach you how to do a thing that your boss told you to do or else you’d be fired.
Not to mention the big things. They don’t give promotions to just their friends – at least not so much any more. Promotions go to the people who’ve completed big, visible, important projects. It seems fair until you consider,,,, who gets the big, important, visible projects assigned to them in the first place?
Humans give boosts to the people they’ve packbonded with. They mention packbondee’s accomplishments to the boss (or the boss’ boss). They cover for the mistakes of people they’ve packbonded with.
“That’s not right! It shouldn’t be a popularity contest! It should be about who does the best –” Listen to me. Listen.
You may be right. You may be the most correct creature to have ever spoken since the beginning of galactic civilization.
It does not matter
Humans packbond. It’s what they do. I can’t stop it. You can’t stop it. No power in the ‘verse can stop it. This is how the human do.
All you can do is work with it.
If you want a human to help you – if you want to reliably get their best effort – you have to packbond with them first.
“Look, I’m introverted and scared of people and I have social anxiety so I really don’t know how to –” Hey, my pal, I feel you. I, too, am introverted. And I have social anxiety. And I have PTSD that actually – and I recognize that this is bizarre – has ‘business networking’ as a trigger.
For you, I have good news: Humans will packbond with anything.
Like, you don’t really actually have to do anything. You kinda just have to… exist. In their presence. They kinda do the rest.
If you can talk with them, that speeds things up. But it doesn’t have to be, like, good conversation. Like, it can totally go
You: boy, sure is hot out! Human: Man oh man, can you believe it? You: Wow, yeah Human: Totally You: …. Human: ….
This conversation – as awkward and uncomfortable as it felt to you, has caused this human to packbond with you a little more. If you repeat it weekly, you will get good results.
THE TAKEAWAYS
You need to packbond with the humans you come in contact with
Taking time to do that is not only justifiable, it is an important part of your job, and should be treated as such
That is to say that, as much as you hate it (and believe me, I understand), you have to take time away from actual work and dedicate it to packbonding with your fellow workers
Tips
Plan out your packbonding time. It’s easier if you can initiate than if a human springs packbonding-time on you all unexpected. In an office job I like to use Friday afternoon, but adjust according to what makes sense to you and your situation.
Keep some packbonding-time questions handy. My go-to list is:
(If it’s Monday or Tuesday) How was your weekend?
(If it’s Wednesday) How’s your week been so far?
(If it’s Thursday or Friday) Any big plans for the weekend?
How’s your day been?
You don’t have to care about the answers to these questions. All you have to do is remember that if the human is answering questions, they are not asking you any questions. Therefore questions are your friend. If you ask follow-up questions, you may be able to get through the entire packbonding time without having to do any of the talking
Learn to disengage from packbonding. You can use basically the same sentence (or variants on it), but you’ll want to practice it so that you can make it sound natural. I use “Awesome! Well, I gotta get going. Have a good one!”
I know it feels overwhelming, but a few minutes of packbonding, once a week, is all you need. Once you build it into your habits it can be no more annoying than doing dishes or showering.
additional crucial packhack: humans will like you more IF you ask them to do you a small favor AND THEN express gratitude and indebtedness. it seems counter intuitive to ASK for favors instead of DOING favors but that’s the key! they will keep tabs on your welfare if they think you owe them; they will want to keep you around if you establish yourself as someone who appreciates their efforts. humans thrive on mutual caretaking. invite them to caretake you and then show you are eager to caretake back and you will have a solid workplace alliance started.
small favor examples: can you pass me that tool item? may i try some of your snack? could you remind me of a fact? can you give me some advice?
most humans feel safe when they feel valued. it is this crucial emotional drive that underlies many human interactions. it is especially important in the workplace, where those that are not valued are ruthlessly cut out and discarded from the pack. so assure your humans that you appreciate them and they will come to you for the comfort of it.
Dressing up a Native American is an absolute NO-NO. Especially those gross ass “Sexy Indian” costumes. Their culture is not a costume and it sure as hell shouldn’t be sexualized. Millions of Native Americans were slaughtered by the hands of greedy white men and they did not die for a bunch inconsiderate folks to use their culture as a costume. This goes for ANYONE WHO IS NOT NATIVE AMERICAN. This has got to be one of the worst costume ideas and doing so is an insult to indigenous tribes and communities. DON’T DO IT.
2. Blackface
No…… just……………. no. Don’t be the yt person who has to put on an embarrassingly bold amount of bronzer to make yourself look like the black person you’re dressing up as. It’s straight up racist and you’re just gonna make yourself look like a damn fool. Blackface goes beyond putting on the extra bronzer and humiliating us. The bronzer is able to come off at night but black people can’t take their skin and oppression off at night. The police brutality can’t come off at night, the violence of white supremacy can’t come off at night. So please, don’t use black skin as your stylish look for the night.
3. Ableist costumes
This one isn’t talked about much but it still matters very much. “Mental Patient” and “P*ycho” costumes are extremely offense to people who are suffering with mental illness. It demonizes people who are battling these illnesses, and it makes them look violent and dangerous. When in reality, only 3-5% of violence acts are linked with mental illness. If you really wanna dress like someone with a mental illness then you can go in your closet and put on the normal type of clothes you would literally wear any other fucking day of the year. Stop demonizing people with mental illnesses because of what you see in the horror movies. It’s ableist and gross.
4. Islamophobic Costumes
Muslims already have to go through enough with defending their religion against Islamophobes. Don’t be the asshole on Halloween who sustains the stereotype that Islam supports “terrorism”. If you are not a Muslim do not dress in any of the Islamic attire for costume and do not be obnoxious and attach bombs/ other explosives to the attire. It’s disgusting and does nothing but demonize a religion that is heavily ridiculed in America. This also goes for appropriating any other religious attire for costume and mocking purposes…… it ain’t cute.
5. Xenophobic costumes
Costumes that mock Mexican immigrants/border control is blatantly xenophobic and not funny. In reality, immigrants have a super hard time trying to start a new life in the U.S and it’s nothing to joke around about. ICE agents are barging into people’s homes to arrest for simply trying to start over and provide for their families. Making costume out of a serious humanitarian issue just makes you look ignorant and inconsiderate of the thousands of immigrants who are struggling to live here everyday.
There are hundreds of other Halloween costumes out there that doesn’t involve disrespecting marginalized groups of people.
It’s not that hard to dress up as something without mocking a culture or being ignorant towards a serious problem. I wish all good people are safe and happy Halloween season and do so while being mindful of other people’s lifestyles!!
Seriously dude this was informative and quick
DO NOT DRESS AS G*PSIES EITHER!!!
Roma people are not a costume and g*psy is a slur so none of that racist af jingly dancing skirts or tambourine or tarot card/palm reading nonsense.
A 30 sec google will do you wonders for education because I know this isn’t as well known as a problem in the US because a lot of people are legit in the dark over how horribly Roma(ni) people have been treated and left out of history. Roma people are REAL not some mystical race that only exists in fairy tales.
Death By Catchphrase 