In the event of an emergency, your waffle can be used as a flotation device

Storenvy | Redbubble

Another Day at the Office

As our scene opens, Dr. B and his resident have established that a 14 year old patient has Epididymitis.

Dr. B: Your son has whats called epididymitis. It’s an irritation in the epididymis, a small structure on the bottom of the testicle at the base of the scrotum.
Mom: Oh. OK. Is that bad?
Dr. B: No. It’s usually caused by an infection. We’ll give him an antibiotic and he should feel better in a few days. What we worry about with testicular pain is a torsion, which is when…
Patient: [INTERRUPTING] Mom! That’s what Craig had and they chopped one of his nuts off!
Mom: Holy shit! How do we know it’s not that.
Dr. B: There are multiple indicators on the exam that reassure us that it’s not a torsion. This is just inflammation in the base of the testicle. [Draws a diagram of the scrotum and gives an anatomy lesson. Then explains why epididymitis is most likely.]
Mom: How do you know that?
Dr. B: Because I went to medical school… And residency… And read a bunch of books…
Mom: Have you ever seen that before?
Dr. B: Yeah. It’s not common, but we do see it from time to time.
Mom: Can you get it from jerking off too much?
Patient: [Shouting] HOLY SHIT, MOM! What the fuck is even happening right now!
Mom: It’s a fair question. Relax.
Dr. B: Not typically.
Mom: Can that make it worse?
Patient: Jesus Christ, mom!
Dr. B: No.
Mom: Can it make it better?
Patient: Stop talking. Please. He said I needed an antibiotic.
Dr. B: Masturbation has no effect on the outcome here.

threesquaresdown:

annemarieandlovingit:

hellotailor:

bundyspooks:

1970s: Satanic cult attempt to “possess” a car.

isn’t it sort of easy to possess a car. like, you just inhabit it physically and then make it do whatever you want.

A fair point

tfw you lose the cult’s car keys

lordoftherings1000000:

this is the exact opposite of “for sale: baby shoes, never worn”

“coughing”

main character: *kills thousands of mook henchmen to get to the Big Bad Guy™*
main character: i’m not going to kill you, Big Bad Guy™. because i’m morally above murder.
the ghosts of the mook henchmen: 🖕

deepestfirefun:

anvand:

Did anyone notice this?

now that´s adorable

ppyajunebug:

Wayne Brady has reached the level of Eternal Scout

punkpixieprince:

thelulusoldier:

anecdotesandelderthings:

d-a-f-punk:

lostmyvirginitytomozart:

t4lkn3rdyt0m3:

This movie is the perfect example of why a bard and a rogue should never leave the party and go off on their own adventure.

Uh, this movie is a perfect example of why a bard and a rogue should absolutely leave the party and have their own adventure

Minor quibble: one of them took enough levels in ranger to get an animal companion

I would generally argue that Altivo is a player character (probably a druid) but Animal Friendship is a lvl 1 bard spell. Miquel might have just rolled really well.

Or the horse is actually a player character too

#of course miguel rolled well they have loaded dice (x)