queerastronauts:

I feel like we, as a fandom, have been glossing over something for a very, very long time: What the hell was up with the Prefects’ Bathroom?

So. Two prefects are chosen in the fifth year in every house and stay prefects till they graduate. That means there are 24 prefects at any given time (2 prefects x 4 houses x 3 years), and 4 quidditch captains at any given time, who also have access to the bathroom. Additionally, any kind of other student leader* (as demonstrates by James, a quidditch captain) can be head boy/girl. That means there are up to 30 people (24 prefects + 2 possible external head boy/girl + 4 quidditch captains) with access to the Prefects’ Bathroom at any given time.

Moving on. It’s been a while since I read GoF, but I remember Harry’s description of the Prefects’ Bathroom to be one very large bath. He doesn’t mention any side rooms, or that this is one room among many. So, unless there is room-of-requirement type of magic going on (and that’s implied to be very unique, very old magic, while the plumbing was put in, iirc, at the end of the 19th century), there is no privacy in the Prefects’ Bathroom.

24-26 prefects, as well as 4 quidditch captains, all teenagers, one bathroom. Unless that year’s prefects and captains were all in a polyamorous relationship with each other or extremely confident about their bodies, this strikes me as problematic.

Okay. Say, for some reason, all 28-30 students with access do want to go to an incredibly unprivate bathroom. Why the hell would the go to one that is nowhere near any of their dorms? I lived in a boarding school during high school. There was no way I would’ve gone anywhere but the bathroom right there in my dorm. In my dorm only four/six people had access to my bathroom (including me, rooms varied in size), I knew exactly what they were doing there (cause nobody was going to use the bathroom for anything but showering and pooing with the thickness of our walls), and should somebody leave a mess or not clean up after themselves, we all knew who was responsible.

If, as jkr says, there are 1000 students at Hogwarts at all times (the math is wonky, but she wrote her books with that assumption, and jkr isn’t the best at math), there are probably bathrooms in every dorm room (ie, no communal showers, but instead a bathroom for Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville to share). That means they, like me, have the comfort of a bathroom that is shared by relatively few, and along with showers at the quidditch pitch (which I am, admittedly, assuming are there, for a variety of reasons), there is no reason for anybody to ever venture so far out of their way to take a bath on the Fifth Floor, of all places.

The third question is: why is there a Prefects’ Bathroom in the first place, and who put it there? Who decided that they need one? Why did they design it in such a peculiar, unpractical manner?

And last question. This one is probably the most important, most confusing one of all:

Why, in the name of all that is holy, isn’t it used more often for fanfiction sex?

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* we don’t know what other kinds of student leaders count but there are plenty of other school-sanctioned activities, which makes me wonder if the leader of the chess-club could be a head boy/girl.

oulfis:

I got two separate requests for this after my tags on this reblog, and if I’ve learned anything from vaguely gossiping about the revolution with 18thC scholars, it’s to Give The People What They Want! Therefore, I am pleased and alarmed to present to you now:

~ * DOs and DON’Ts of GUILLOTINING the RICH * ~

by Monsieur Laurence Racine-de-la-Liberté

DO place blame on the people who directly benefit from your exploitation. It’s not hard to find them. They will try to convince you that it is hard to find them, but you can literally just look at how much money they have (way too much). A really quick method of wealth redistribution is to move in to a rich person’s house.

DON’T leave the rich with no “out”. Your goal is a better world, not a gigantic pile of heads. When cornered, the rich get volatile and dangerous. There needs to be a level of reform which is sufficient for a formerly-rich person to be accepted back into society, and NOT as a second-class citizen. Like, if they stop being rich and start doing chores, you don’t have to also give them the shittiest chores.

DO take meaningful action against those with the power to create change. Sassy tweets accomplish basically nothing. Well-organized voting accomplishes some things. Credible threats to your opponents’ power base (whether that’s throwing roof tiles at them or claiming their houses as your own) accomplish… mostly a shift in the Overton window which makes your opponents suddenly eager to concede to the demands of the “nice” activists, but that’s not nothing.

DON’T guillotine too many people at once. Just because you guillotined five people yesterday, that doesn’t mean guillotining ten today will make you twice as successful. Meaningful action can only be targeted against individuals or systems, not against nebulous social groups; avoid mass guillotining at all costs! Periodically consider whether you may have reached the limit of the number of people who need to be guillotined. Again, your goal is a better society, not an infinite supply of heads.

DO get excited making up cool new names. This is a new world! There’s a lot to be excited about! Rename yourself “Strive with a Will for the Republic” or “Radish”! Be the rad moniker you want to see in the world! Invent new holidays while you’re at it! A new calendar! Declare today Day One Of Year One! A society becomes real through people living its values: embrace your vision enthusiastically.

DON’T get excited about cool new conspiracies. The real causes of the world’s problems are not going to be one lady’s diamond necklace. They’re going to be way weirder and more complicated than something you can rant about at a party. This very list of advice, for example, is full of pithy quips which are too brief and simplistic to be remotely useful. Spend five minutes fact-checking any headline that gives you a strong burst of feeling before you tell someone else about it.

DO acknowledge the validity of your complaints. This rule operates on two levels: first, the aristocrats’ shit is bad. They’re going to pretend it’s not, but don’t buy it. Second, sometimes your shit might be bad. If you’ve been trying out something new for a while, but people still can’t afford to wear pants, you have to be able to say that the new system isn’t working either, and leave room to change your mind about what to do. (See also: leave the rich with an “out”; don’t guillotine too many people at once.) If honesty is not the best policy, only liars and scoundrels will have heads.

And the number one rule from the French Revolution:

DON’T make decisions while hangry!

I know, I know: there’s no fucking bread and air conditioning hasn’t been invented yet, and you’ve been drinking a lot of coffee at the revolutionary clubs. But it is totally impossible to judge whether your response in a conflict is “proportional” or “helpful” when you’re hot, caffeinated, and hangry. Have some ice cream. Take a cool shower. (Remind the rich that it is in their best interest to provide you with ice cream and a cool shower, in the short and long term, since you are the one with the guillotine.) Maybe try describing your course of action out loud to a neutral party before you do it. If someone starts asking logistical questions about mass graves, take a step back and have a snickers. Humans are bodies, and the default setting for a body is for it to have food in its stomach and a head on its neck.