I’m pretending all the time to be, kinder, stronger, funnier, more sociable than I am. I guess we’re all like that but it just feels so inadequate.
What’s the difference?
I know it sounds flippant but… certain things are fundamentally performative. And other things are so close as makes no difference.
Kindness is performative. Actions are kind, and people are kind by performing those actions. You can’t “pretend” to be kinder than you are, you can only perform kindness or not perform kindness, and choosing to perform kindness is always worthwhile, no matter how much you may second-guess your motivations.
Strength is so many things. It takes strength to pretend a strength you don’t feel. And the way to achieve strength is to exercise it, so long as you do it in enough moderation to not strain or break anything. Being able to affect strength when necessary while being able to put it down again when that in turn is necessary is healthy. Everyone starts weight training with the littlest weights. It’s not fake or pretending to do what you gotta do in any given situation.
Funniness lives in the interlocutor, not in the speaker. It doesn’t matter how funny you think you are (or think you are pretending to be) – that’s not how it’s measured. At what point are you “pretending” to be a musician if the music still gets made? And often what it’s tempting to describe in first person as “pretending” is more accurately described in the third person as “practicing” – which is of course the way you cause things to Be.
Sociability is also performative. Pretending to be sociable is just…being sociable, despite a disinclination towards it. It’s making an effort towards something you value. So long as the effort is not so great that it backfires into resentment, there’s no practical difference.
Qualities or activities or whatever are no less worthy because you have to actively choose to perform them. If anything, the worthiness lies in the act of choosing. It’s not “pretending” – it’s agency.
tl;dr: ain’t nothing wrong with “fake it till you make it.” A plastic spoon* holds just as much soup as a “real” one
* I keep wanting to talk about semantic domains! Artifacts are defined by their utility, whereas living things are defined by their identity. So plastic forks are still forks, but plastic flowers aren’t flowers. So there’s two pep-talk messages to take away from this: (1) for certain things, the distinction between “fake” and “real” isn’t a relevant one so long as they still get the job done, and (2) the purpose of a living thing is to be the thing that it is. The idea of a “useless person” is as semantically nonsensical as the idea of “pretend kindness” (or fake cutlery).
I love this post. It illustrates what I think is maybe the key difference between a developing self-identity and a formed self-identity, which is, like…confidence? If you are BEING kind, consistently, if you are prioritizing that over your own comfort or fatigue or even, occasionally, your emotional inclination (because OH MY GOD FUCK THIS GUY, I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE–uuughhh, but no, I’m not gonna lash out at him, that won’t accomplish anything, and besides, he’s probably had a bad day, he’s under a lot of stress, I don’t have to be an asshole about this…), guess what? That makes you kind. That is literally what kindness is. Same for patience, same for strength, same for all of this stuff. You got it. You’re doing it. You’re not faking anything. Stop second-guessing yourself and cutting yourself down. Give yourself enough credit to look at your actions and confidently assert to yourself that you are no longer just making things up as you go.
it really should scare anyone with human decency how #DACA is being put to an end by trump. over 28,000 immigrants are going to lose their jobs over this xenophobic and racist decision… and before anyone whines about how these immigrants don’t deserve jobs because they’re not “real Americans”,, dreamers have been in America since they were children. DACA literally stands for
Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals. imagine being a child who comes into a country where you have to immediately adapt to learning a new language, get used to a new culture, and get to work a few years later right at the legal working age. these children have went through hell and back just to make a living in america, and it’s very disgusting how the trump administration wants to take that all away just because he wants to make america white again.
there is no valid reason why trump wants to take away DACA other than blatant xenophobia because immigrants are not “stealing” your fucking jobs. that bullshit claim has been debunked a million times by professional economists. the #Dreamers caused no harm to this country, they’re just young immigrants who want to make a living for themselves and their future families. DACA has helped over 800,000 immigrants achieve their goals and dream of becoming successful in a different country. only racists who want to “purify” this country with whiteness would be against such a helpful program. anyone else who knows how to sympathize with other humans would know that this program is well needed.
there is a way to help. simply text RESIST to the number 50409 and the resistbot will fax a custom made letter to your local senator(s). It doesn’t have to be super long, just to a short explanation on why you think DACA deserves to be saved. after that it will automatically send a fax to your senator. and that’s it! It’s free, it’s easy, and you can also do it more than once. congress has 6 months to make sure this doesn’t become a nightmare for immigrations so let’s make the most of it!! we can fight this!
here’s another piece of vital information specifically for the DACA Dreamers. you guys still have rights and it’s very important you know that.
Boosting.
I translated the poster into Spanish (since I haven’t seen it in Spanish yet), and added a note that their website includes Red Cards in Spanish, Chinese, and Hmong so far–if someone could translate to Arabic, Urdu, and Nepali (at least from my experiences with the refugee populations at my school), that would be super helpful!
CONOZCA SUS DERECHOS: LO QUE BENEFICIARIOS DE DACA NECESITAN SABER AHORA MISMO
-Se espera que los permisos de trabajo permanezcan válidos, pero están sujetos a revocación.
-Su jefe no puede despedirlo, suspenderlo, ni preguntarle acerca de su estatus de DACA.
-Si usted tiene un número de seguro social, ese número es válido por toda su vida.
-Verifique las leyes de su estado sobre identificaciones y licencias de conducir.
-Si usted está viajando bajo los auspicios de libertad condicional (advanced parole), considere regresar a los E.E.U.U. lo antes posible.
-Verifique con un(a) abogado posibles opciones para adquirir un permiso de trabajo o hasta la residencia permanente (green card).
**De paso: el sitio web del Centro de Recursos Legales para los Inmigrantes (ILRC por sus siglas en inglés) también incluye unas tarjetas rojas que pueden ser impresas e utilizadas para comunicarse con agentes de la migra sin hablar y renunciar a ninguno de sus derechos. Puede encontrarlas en este enlace.
Dressing up a Native American is an absolute NO-NO. Especially those gross ass “Sexy Indian” costumes. Their culture is not a costume and it sure as hell shouldn’t be sexualized. Millions of Native Americans were slaughtered by the hands of greedy white men and they did not die for a bunch inconsiderate folks to use their culture as a costume. This goes for ANYONE WHO IS NOT NATIVE AMERICAN. This has got to be one of the worst costume ideas and doing so is an insult to indigenous tribes and communities. DON’T DO IT.
2. Blackface
No…… just……………. no. Don’t be the yt person who has to put on an embarrassingly bold amount of bronzer to make yourself look like the black person you’re dressing up as. It’s straight up racist and you’re just gonna make yourself look like a damn fool. Blackface goes beyond putting on the extra bronzer and humiliating us. The bronzer is able to come off at night but black people can’t take their skin and oppression off at night. The police brutality can’t come off at night, the violence of white supremacy can’t come off at night. So please, don’t use black skin as your stylish look for the night.
3. Ableist costumes
This one isn’t talked about much but it still matters very much. “Mental Patient” and “P*ycho” costumes are extremely offense to people who are suffering with mental illness. It demonizes people who are battling these illnesses, and it makes them look violent and dangerous. When in reality, only 3-5% of violence acts are linked with mental illness. If you really wanna dress like someone with a mental illness then you can go in your closet and put on the normal type of clothes you would literally wear any other fucking day of the year. Stop demonizing people with mental illnesses because of what you see in the horror movies. It’s ableist and gross.
4. Islamophobic Costumes
Muslims already have to go through enough with defending their religion against Islamophobes. Don’t be the asshole on Halloween who sustains the stereotype that Islam supports “terrorism”. If you are not a Muslim do not dress in any of the Islamic attire for costume and do not be obnoxious and attach bombs/ other explosives to the attire. It’s disgusting and does nothing but demonize a religion that is heavily ridiculed in America. This also goes for appropriating any other religious attire for costume and mocking purposes…… it ain’t cute.
5. Xenophobic costumes
Costumes that mock Mexican immigrants/border control is blatantly xenophobic and not funny. In reality, immigrants have a super hard time trying to start a new life in the U.S and it’s nothing to joke around about. ICE agents are barging into people’s homes to arrest for simply trying to start over and provide for their families. Making costume out of a serious humanitarian issue just makes you look ignorant and inconsiderate of the thousands of immigrants who are struggling to live here everyday.
There are hundreds of other Halloween costumes out there that doesn’t involve disrespecting marginalized groups of people.
It’s not that hard to dress up as something without mocking a culture or being ignorant towards a serious problem. I wish all good people are safe and happy Halloween season and do so while being mindful of other people’s lifestyles!!
Seriously dude this was informative and quick
DO NOT DRESS AS G*PSIES EITHER!!!
Roma people are not a costume and g*psy is a slur so none of that racist af jingly dancing skirts or tambourine or tarot card/palm reading nonsense.
A 30 sec google will do you wonders for education because I know this isn’t as well known as a problem in the US because a lot of people are legit in the dark over how horribly Roma(ni) people have been treated and left out of history. Roma people are REAL not some mystical race that only exists in fairy tales.
Death By Catchphrase 